


Bitterblue (In The Silence of the Night)

by HPFandom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Chan, M/M, Romance, Self-Harm, Sexual Content, Slash, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-09-26
Updated: 2005-09-26
Packaged: 2018-10-01 02:44:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10178945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFandom_archivist/pseuds/HPFandom_archivist
Summary: A Beyond Redemption sidestory showing how the relationship between Harry and Sirius started. Set before BR in Harry's forth year, this piece does not have to be read along with the story to be understood.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

** Bitterblue (In The Silence of the Night) **   
_A ‘Beyond Redemption’ Side-Story_   
_By CS WhiteWolf_

\- - -

For this Story:

**Rating(s)** : NC-17.  
 **Pairing(s)** : Sirius Black/ Harry Potter.  
 **Warning(s)** : Sexual Situations; Adult/Minor (Chan?); Mentions of Self-Harm (cutting).

**A/N** : This is a side story to Sisters of Darkness’ fanfiction “Beyond Redemption”. It was written as a thank to our fabulous reviewers for getting us past the 300word mark on HPFandom! I’m personally gobsmacked at the sheer number of reviews we have managed to accumulate over the course of this story (on all the sites we post at) and hope to gather may more before the end! So thank you **all** , I hope you enjoy this little piece! 

This story is set before ‘Beyond Redemption’ and does not have to be read in accordance with the actual story itself.

\- - -

**H** e bit his lip as he turned into the mouth of the cave, the small stones littering the path crunched beneath his feet, echoing loudly in the silence of the night. He felt a chill breeze pass by him, seeping in through his cloak, sending a chorus of shivers down his spine. 

“Snuffles?” He called softly, a movement towards the back of the cave catching his attention. “Snuffles are you there?”

He cautiously withdrew his wand from the waistband of his pyjama bottoms, gripping the slim wood tightly in his suddenly sweaty palm. Slowly he poked the tip out through his invisibility cloak, holding his breath a moment as he heard something snap mere feet from him. 

Heart thuddering and inwardly praying that it was Sirius making the noises, Harry barely whispered the words of a _lumos_ spell, blinking rapidly at the blue glow, unable to see anything but it through the darkness for a moment. 

Just as his eyes began to accustom themselves to the sudden light burst so did a large hulking form launch out at him from the back of the cave, a chirping roar emitting from the hippogriff as it charged into his field of vision, arching up onto his back legs- the font claws about to tear down into him. He had no time to either raise his wand in defence or back away as the Hippogriff bore down on him.

“Buckbeak!” A voice roared out from behind him moments before arms encircled his waist, pulling him back against a firm chest and spinning him around and away from the attacking creature. 

“Down, Buckbeak!” Harry hurriedly turned back round, watching as a dark figure jumped out of the way of the Hippogriff’s sharp claws, holding his hands up as he called out to the creature once more trying to calm it. 

The Hippogriff finally let out a small chirp, dipping its head as the man before it bowed respectfully.

“Bow,” The man said and Harry was quick to pull the hood of his robe down and drop his body into position. Watching the Hippogriff warily as the creature’s eyes flashed. It was a long moment before Buckbeak finally lowered his head in acceptance before stalking off back into the darkness of the cave. 

Sirius turned to look at Harry’s head, only that along with his arm visible from the coverings of the invisibility cloak. Sirius stared at the pale boy a long moment, his breathing short and shallow as the adrenaline rush faded from him.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Sirius finally growled out. 

Harry’s eyes widened at the tone of Sirius’ voice, noting the glowering expression upon the man’s rugged face, automatically taking a step back, Harry lowered his wand once more, plunging his face and expression into dimness. 

“I…” he stuttered, unable to form the words he wanted to say, “I’m sorry,” he eventually chocked out, “I didn’t mean… I’ll just go…”

He turned on his heel muttering the counter curse to his _lumos_ spell as he made to leave, the cave plunging back into a not-so-complete darkness. Harry bit his lip at the telltale pressure he could feel building in his eyes, cursing himself for ever thinking this was a good idea. What had he been thinking, seriously, when deciding to leave Hogwarts in the middle of the night just to see Sirius? 

“Harry…” Sirius’ voice gave him pause, “Wait,” The man was suddenly by his side, a hand upon his still invisible shoulder, gripping firmly and tugging him around. 

“Look, I didn’t mean to sound-,” Sirius paused unsure, “You should know what Hippogriffs can be like when feeling threatened in their territory,” 

Harry simply nodded his head slowly, unable to meet Sirius gaze as he once again cursed himself for this foolish whim of his. 

Sirius reached up, touching at Harry’s face and lifting it to face him, “I’m sorry, Harry.” Sirius’ whole expression softened at the look on the boy’s face, “You gave me a scare there, Harry. I thought you were done for when Buckbeak…” he drifted off once again unsure of himself. 

He stepped back, straightening himself up before speaking, “Now, tell me what was so urgent you had to sneak out of school just to come see me?” though his tone was light and jesting, Harry caught the flicker of seriousness in his eyes, the worry lingering longer, forcing Harry to look away again, shuffling slightly in the dimly lit cave. 

“I just- I just wanted to see you,” Harry’s voice was soft, timid. There was a long silence before Sirius spoke.

“Harry, you do realise how dangerous this is? This isn’t something you get detention or points taken off for. If someone had seen you! It’s… it’s foolish!” 

Harry bristled, straightening himself defensively. “Oh and what, flooing your head into Gryffindor Tower isn’t? What happened to all that ‘the risk would have made it fun’ business you were going on about when I was trying to look out for you?” 

Sirius winced, knowing the boy had a point. “You’re not your father, Harry.” 

Harry scowled at him. “I’m so glad you noticed. What gave that one away? Was it the eyes? How about the scar? It’s usually either-or people notice these days.” 

Sirius gave him an odd look. Harry turned his face away, swallowing the bitter taste of bile that had begin creeping up his throat. He didn’t want to fight with Sirius. He’d come to see the man because he’d thought Sirius would be the only one to understand him. With Ron ditching him and Hermione’s ‘stuck-in-the-middle’ attitude, Harry really didn’t have anyone else to talk to. Surely no one that wouldn’t take what he’d said and use it against him and or to their own advantage. 

“I’m sorry, Sirius,” He muttered. 

“I’m sorry too, Harry. I’m only trying to look out for you as well,”

“I know, Siri,”

Sirius flashed him a smile, his teeth glowing faintly in the dim light as he held his arms open, inviting Harry for a hug. The boy went willingly into the embrace, holding on tight as Sirius’ arms tightened fractionally, pulling him even closer. 

Harry shifted, pressing his face into Sirius’ chest, the strong and heady smells of sweat and musk and the lingering scent that was simply Sirius invaded his senses. Harry breathed deeply, savouring the smell and putting it to memory as if this were the last time he’d ever see the man.

“Hey,” Sirius whispered, his hold loosening a little. Reluctantly Harry allowed them to part. 

Harry felt Sirius watching him, his expression questioning, calculating, but his eyes were lowered, his body tensing over again as if he expected to be dismissed and sent off to the castle once more. 

Instead Sirius slung as arm about his shoulders, tugging them both further into the cave. Harry’s vision adjusted as they moved towards one of the back walls of the cave, his eyes quickly picking out the bundle of rags and dried grasses that made up Sirius’ make-shift bed, a small pile of provisions lay beside that and further down the cave, nestled against the back wall was Buckbeak’s nest

Other than the bed and provisions the cave was left bare and impersonal, but it was dry and sheltered and Sirius was there and he felt safe enough as the older man lead them over to his bed, where they seated themselves, facing the cave entrance. Harry suspected it was more out of self-preservation than any desire to look out into the night sky. 

They sat in silence a long moment, happy only to have the presence of the other beside them, cuddling close together against the dark of the night, safe in the knowledge that they didn’t have to fill the silence between them in order to feel comfortable. 

Finally, Sirius turned to look at Harry, tilting the boy’s chin up to look at him. 

“So, Harry, any particular reason you wanted to see me?” He shot Harry another of his wide-mouth smiles, causing Harry’s lips to curve upwards in response as he gave a somewhat nonchalant shrug of his shoulders, his smile dimming slightly as he stared out the cave entrance, eyes unfocussed as his thoughts turned inwards. 

“You’re not letting all this tournament business get to you, are you?” Sirius’ expression became more serious as Harry gave another shrug and a somewhat watery grin in response. 

Sirius touched gently at Harry’s shoulder, hesitant in what to do as he saw the tears forming in the boy’s eyes. 

“I’m trying not to,” He whispered, more to himself than to Sirius, though he looked up to meet the man’s gaze, “It’s just… with everyone so against me, it’s like second year all over again, only this time even my friends aren’t with me. I don’t want to do this stupid tournament, but no one believes me, and Dumbledore won’t get me out of it.” 

Sirius wrapped an arm around him, drawing him into his chest as Harry’s tears began to fall, silently, with only the slightest hitching in his breathing to indicate it was so. The boy’s hands fisted in his shirt, as he buried his face further into the man’s chest.

“Try not to let it get to you, Harry,” Sirius said softly, unable to think of anything else to say as Harry’s leant against him, his lithe body small and warm against his larger build. He buried his face in Harry’s hair, breathing the scent of the boy before carding his fingers through the unruly mop. He felt Harry’s tears soaking into his shirt, tightening his grip he dipped his head to the boy’s ear, whispering that it was okay, that everything would turn out fine, that he mustn’t give up, that Sirius was here for him, always. 

Harry shifted, looking up at Sirius’ last comment, his face a picture of misery, eyes wide and pleading with the dark-haired man, begging him to not be lying, to not be saying such things because it was expected of him as his godfather. 

Sirius cupped Harry’s face in his calloused hands, using his thumbs to swipe away the boy’s tears, Harry closed his eyes his lips parting as he sucked in a breath of air, tasting Sirius’ musk on his tongue as the man leant in a brushed a kiss across his forehead, lingering, before moving slowly away, gasping softly as Harry tilted his head up, catching his lips with his own for the briefest of kisses, their mouths barely touching. He made to pull away but Harry pushed in again, pressing their lips more fully together, but still it was only the barest of brushes of mouth against mouth. 

“Harry…?” Sirius’ voice was low, hesitant but questioning as he pulled away, his hold moving from Harry’s face to the boy’s shoulders, holding him in place. 

“Sorry,” Harry muttered, dropping his head and wiping surreptitiously at his eyes before touching at his lips. 

Sirius wasn’t watching him though, his eyes taking on a far-away quality as he touched at his own lips, not quite believing in the slight tingling of contact that they had had. He blinked, dropping his hand, his eyes flickering over Harry’s hunched figure with a frown. 

Harry looked up, his head titled just so- bright eyes watching him through thick lashes, still wet with tears. Sirius unconsciously reached up to touch at a moistened cheek, fingers tracing along Harry’s slender jaw, the briefest of touches upon the boy’s lips- blinking in surprise when they parted, a curious pink tongue flicking out briefly to touch at Sirius’ index finger, tasting the saltiness of the flesh. When Sirius did not remove his finger, Harry lapped out at it again, sucking just the very tip of it into his mouth, front teeth nibbling teasingly- the beginnings of a blush staining his cheeks, though the darkness hid it well. 

“Harry…” Sirius breathed softly, his eyes flickering over Harry’s face, wetting his lips as he tried to understand what the boy was up to. His heartbeat picking up the pace as Harry’s hands moved up to hold his own hand, urging it closer and taking more of his finger into the hot wetness of his mouth. 

Sirius took a shaking breath, confusion warring with curiosity as he watched the boy, a shiver stealing up his spine as Harry continued to suck at his index finger. 

“Harry,” He breathed again, this time the boy looked up, the flush staining his cheeks slightly more visible as he slipped Sirius’ finger from his lips, the smallest of wet sounds occurring as he did so. His eyes were slightly hesitant even as he licked fleetingly- teasingly- at his lips, tilting his head upwards, closer to Sirius’ own. 

Sirius swallowed heavily, hesitating at their proximity. 

“Please, Sirius?” Harry whispered, reaching up to timidly touch at the older man’s face, his eyes half-lidded as he searched Sirius’ own. 

“Please what, Harry?” Sirius cleared his throat, the words slightly husked. 

Biting his lip, Harry moved in closer, his cheeks pressing to Sirius’ own, breath tickling across the man’s ear as Harry sighed softly, moving to rub his cheek back and forth, turning to press his lips in a kiss to Sirius’ cheek, his jaw, hovering in hesitance above the man’s lips.

“Please,” He breathed again a moment before his lips were captured in a kiss so soft and gentle it had him whimpering for more. Sirius’ lips brushing over his own, a flick of tongue to his lips every now and then, the tingle of desire as their tongues touched for the first time, fleetingly, and again. Harry opened his mouth a little more in invitation, lapping at Sirius’ mouth and tongue in an attempt to lure him into a deeper, more fulfilling kiss. But Sirius pulled away, pressing a chaste kiss to Harry’s lips to keep the boy from protesting as he moved back enough to look at the boy, to look into his eyes, to ask him,

“What… Harry, what do you want?” He was almost afraid to ask, afraid to turn this into words, afraid to break the silence and invite the reality of the situation to take hold of them both. There was a stillness between them, their eyes locked in an intense stare in the moment it took for Harry to gasp out an answer. 

“You,” Harry finally spoke, his face set in vulnerable seriousness, “I want you, Sirius.”

Sirius could see the trepidation in the boy’s eyes, the tentativeness of what it was he was asking for but whether it was because of Harry’s plea or his look of alluring innocence, Sirius did not dare to think on it as he allowed himself to lower his head again, to claim Harry’s soft lips in a fierce kiss, to claim them and the boy as his own, bruising them beneath his own. 

Harry moaned, reaching up to tangle his fingers in Sirius’ unwashed hair, uncaring of the slightly greasy, gritty feel of it as he tugged the other man closer, an arm wrapping around Sirius’ neck, urging him forward as Harry fell back- allowing Sirius to push him down until he was lying back on Sirius’ makeshift mattress. Their bodies were awkward for a moment before Sirius shifted his legs, inserting himself between Harry’s legs, lowering his weight onto his arms as he held himself propped upwards, his mouth hardly ever leaving Harry’s own. 

Harry’s hands gripped at Sirius’ shoulders, running through his hair, over his back, moving to his front and tugging at his clothes, unpractised fingers fumbling with the buttons on the front of Sirius’ robes, trying to dislodge them from their holes. Sirius’ mouth left Harry’s as he felt the cool cave air touch at his recently exposed skin. 

He opened his mouth to say something but the words were lost to him as Harry continued in his ministrations- his mouth taking over where his hands once worked- kissing at the skin of his neck, the base of his throat- tongue sneaking out to lave at the flesh before him. 

And Sirius gave in, a low groan emitting from him before he moved his own hands to the front of Harry’s pyjama top, the buttons parting effortlessly before his experienced hands, slipping them beneath the fabric, fingers splaying across Harry’s heaving chest, feeling the boy shivering and arching beneath his touch, into his touch, lips parted and head throw back in wont, half-lidded eyes watching him a moment only before smaller hands were reaching up to tug him down, to join their lips in another hungry kiss. 

Harry shifted underneath him, his legs parting a little more, pressing upwards with a low moan as he was able to rub himself against Sirius’ thigh, biting his lip when the older man pulled away with a jerk, his eyes wide as he rolled his own hips, pressing back against Harry and wrenching another impious moan from him. Sirius hesitated, the fog of lust and desire lifting from his mind only momentarily. 

“Don’t stop, Sirius,” Harry whispered, tugging the man’s head down to kiss softly at the lobe of his ear, “Oh please, don’t stop,” He thrust his hips upwards again, a whimper of a moan spilling from him as he was able to grind himself against Sirius.

He felt his godfather’s calloused hands running over his side, Sirius’ thumb rubbing at the jut to his hipbone, the tip catching at the waistband of Harry’s pyjama bottoms with each circling stroke as bit by agonisingly slow bit he pushed them lower and lower, practically feeling the quiver to Harry’s abdomen as he moved his hand over the taunt muscles, slipping his palm over the boy’s heat, cupping him gently, his mouth bending to catch the hitch and shudder of breath at the gesture. 

Harry’s mouth tasted almost sweater now, his tongue delving into the damp heat, trying to taste every inch of his mouth as he cautiously rubbed at Harry, the cotton fabric of his pyjama bottoms causing a delicious friction- if the boy’s moans were anything to go by. 

Sirius moved his mouth to Harry’s neck, the boy’s hand tightening their grip on his shoulders, legs parting, hips thrusting, head thrown back as he gasped softly for breath, his pale face shining with a sheen of sweat that had coated itself over his body also. 

“Sirius,” Harry pleased, eyes wide behind the glasses he still wore, tongue flicking out to lap at Sirius’ bottom lip, catching at it with his teeth and tugging the man in for another kiss as he dropped one inexperience hand from Sirius’ shoulders to his chest, touching almost hesitantly at the expanse of naked flesh before him, fingers touching lightly, brushing over his skin- causing little waves of shivers to rush through his body, a small groan leaving his mouth when Harry rubbed across an erect nipple, the bud hardening further at the brief contact. 

Harry licked his lips, touching at the nipple again, pinching it with his thumb and forefinger, eyes flickering up to Sirius’ face as he rolled it between them, making sure this was okay, that he was doing it all right. Sirius nodded at him, shifting his hand upwards, leaving Harry for the briefest of moments before sliding back down- slipping beneath the waistband of his trousers to touch properly at his leaking arousal. 

Harry’s mind was a blur after that, his thoughts unfocussed and hazed at the first touch of Sirius’ hand _there_. The feelings intensifying as Sirius’ hand actually touched him properly, without the barrier the thin fabric created. Harry’s breathing quickened, his heart throbbing in his chest, his body simply _aching_ for release, he felt the coiling of his loins as he reached down to touch at the bulge at the front of Sirius’ half-buttoned robes, the older man stilling his own movements at the touch, a shaky hand stroking down Harry’s face, eyes focussed intently on Harry as he gently thrust himself into the boy’s hand. 

Harry gasped, his hand automatically closing around Sirius as the man pushed himself forward. 

“Sirius,” He moaned breathlessly, flexing his fingers and rubbing awkwardly at the length he cupped. “Want you, Sirius,” He said pushing his hips upwards, “Want you there,” 

Sirius’ felt himself swelling further at the words- so much want in them, so much _innocence_! He groaned, eyes closing as he tried to clear the haze of lust taking over his mind. 

“Harry… Harry are you…” 

“Please, Siri,” The boy whispered, almost pleadingly. He drank in the site of Harry’s green eyes, all dilated and begging with him. “I want you to,” 

And it was all the permission he needed as he bent his head to kiss Harry’s lips, his hands moving to slide the pyjama bottoms from his slender hips, pushing himself up to kneel between Harry’s exposed legs as he slipped his own robes from his broad shoulders, his body naked beneath, tatty black robes pooling around him before he carefully extracted himself form the material, using it to lift Harry’s hips from the ground. 

The boy’s skin broke out in shivers, shudders that Sirius kissed away with his lips and words of reassurance as his spit-slicked fingers breached Harry one by one, long pauses between to calm the boy, to ask him over and over- _is this alright? Is this what you want_?- until the boy’s pained whimpers were turned to gasps of pleasure, his young body writhing and wriggling beneath him, his hips thrusting down onto Sirius’ fingers until he was nothing more than a thrashing, moaning mass, begging and pleading with incomprehensible words and sounds until his body was jerking with orgasm am he was coming spurts of creamy release, mouth slack and eyes rolling as he thrust a few more times before his body fell lips, his breathing harsh, his mind a whir as he tried to regain his equilibrium. 

He came aware of his surroundings once more when he felt Sirius rubbing himself against his come-slicked belly, his hand wrapped around his cock as he slicked it up with the only lucbrication at hand. Harry’s eyes widened, his own member raising to half-awareness as he flickered his eyes up to Sirius’ own, those lust-darkened orbs were staring at him so hungrily that Harry shivered in a mix of fear and forbidden pleasure, his cock hardening further as Sirius moved back slightly, lining himself to Harry’s opening, his eyes never leaving his own as they silently requested permission to take this final step. 

Harry’s half-lidded eyes didn’t dare leave Sirius’ incase the man took it as a sign of denial. Bit the act of staring so intently- so openly- into Sirius’ eyes had Harry’s cock hard and leaking once more, only daring to look away when Sirius thrust himself all the way into Harry’s body, and only then it was to throw his head back with a cry of pleasure as Sirius shifted to strike at his prostrate. 

Sirius leaned over him, pressing kisses to his exposed neck, kissing and suckling as he held himself poised as if on the edge of a precipice- savouring the moment before he fell and lost all self-control. But then Harry was kissing him back, their lips meeting and Sirius started thrusting against Harry and Harry was meeting his thrusts- their movements awkward and slow before finding a rhythm that suited them both for the moment. 

Harry licked at a bead of sweat that slipped from Sirius’ temple, moaning wantonly as the older man slipped his hand between their undulating bodies to grasp at his cock, stroking it with long, firm movements that in combination with everything else sent Harry in another mind-blowing spiral towards orgasm. Uncaring of his loud cries as he shouted Sirius’ name for the world to hear, Sirius’ body stilling within his own only moments after, a feeling of heat coating his insides telling him that Sirius had too reached his climax.

They remained joined for long moments as they tried to catch their breaths, tried to calm themselves, tried to make this moment last forever. But then Sirius was sliding from him with a slightly unpleasant sound and a sudden feeling of emptiness. His godfather ran a hand over his face, his eyes meeting Harry’s as he pressed a soft kiss to his lips, moving off of him to lie beside him, hand placed heavily upon his chest. Harry smiled shyly up at him before turning onto his side in a silent invitation to Sirius to spoon up behind him. 

Groping around quickly for a wand, Sirius cast quick cleaning charms on them both- smiling a little at Harry’s sudden cry of shock as the magic rushed through him- before tugging him closer. Harry relaxed into Sirius’ hold, snuggling back against the firm chest, his arms hugging Sirius’ own about his waist as he yawned quietly, eyes but a smug of dark lashes across his cheeks as he blinked sleepily up at his godfather, once, then twice, before succumbing to sleep- his body unable to keep him awake any longer-, a contented smile upon his swollen lips. 

Sirius watched him, unable to take his eyes off the boy in his arms, unable to stop the conflicting thoughts that were crossing his mind as he eventually turned his gaze to the cave entrance and watched for the coming of day. He felt torn in his emotions. A part of him was chastising himself for defiling Harry- _no more than a boy_! Another was filling his heart with a tenderness and love he had not felt since before Azkaban when he lay with another in his arms. But he was so young… yet he knew what he wanted. Never once had he told Sirius to stop, only ever urging the man on with his moans and whimpers and begging eyes glossed with lust and desire. He’s your godson… 

Harry stretched out in his sleep, a contented noise slipping from his mouth as he snuggled against Sirius, his left arm thrown out across the stony floor, fingers stretching as if reaching for something before curling in on themselves. Sirius wasn’t entirely sure why the moment touched him so, just that it did. His eyes softened as he vowed inwardly to himself that as Harry’s godfather he would do whatever he could, would give whatever he could for the boy- no matter what he asked of him.

Reaching out his own arm, Sirius slipped his fingers up Harry’s arm, touching at the skin exposed from the sleeve of the nightshirt he still wore with the intention of sliding his fingers between the boy’s own, of entwining their fingers together and just holding his hand, here in the dark, here in the after-glow. But something stopped him. Something giving him pause for thought as his fingers brushed up along Harry’s paled wrist once more- though not a blemish could be made out, even in the gloomy light of the cave, Sirius could feel something there… more than something… 

He pulled his fingers back, brow creasing into a frown of confusion as his hand hovered over the boy’s wrist for a moment before reaching behind them both, groping around blindly for the wand he knew would be there. Fingers curling around the slender length of wood, Sirius moved it to hover over Harry’s arm, whispering a quiet _lumos_ , the tip lighting to a dull glow. It was enough though to show that Harry’s arm was unmarred. 

Sirius frowned, shifting the wand as he stretched his fingers out to touch at the skin again, and once again he felt the uneven bumps of rough skin. Heart picking up pace and mouth drying, Sirius whispered the words of a revealing spell- not entirely sure if the slight resistance of the wand was due to the fact that it was Harry’s or that- like it’s owner, did not want to reveal the secrets hidden. 

Nevertheless, the spell worked and in a shimmer of magic the unblemished skin of Harry’s wrist changed, morphing to reveal the array of cat-like scratches covering the visible expanse- they would have passed as such also if not there had been so many of them. Deeper gorges in the flesh disappearing further up his arm, thankfully hidden by the sleeve of his top. 

Sirius’ throat closed up, his breath catching as he stared wide-eyed at what he was seeing. He could barely believe his eyes. He swallowed heavily, his mouth suddenly sour tasting, heart thudding almost fearfully against his ribs as he reached out to touch at the skin, fingers hovering over the lighter of the cuts, the scabs paling over as they healed. Some of these looked months old, a scar or two there also- only little slivers, barely visible had he not been looking for them, but they were there all the same. 

Sirius closed his eyes as if pained, pulling his hand away to wrap it about the boy in his arms. He dropped his face to Harry’s head, nuzzling his face to the boy’s neck and planting a soft kiss on the heated skin, then a longer, harder kiss, moving his way up towards Harry’s ear, hovering- wanting to ask him why. Why, Harry? Why this? Why you? Was it the tournament? Was it everything else? Was it because there was no one around to listen? Was it because Sirius was never there for him?

The image of Harry’s betrayed eyes from earlier that evening flashed through his mind. If Sirius had insisted Harry return to the castle, would the boy have taken that as a sign of rejection and- and… and carved up his arm in slits and cuts?

He clenched his eyes closed, trying to stop his mind from flashing images of Harry with slit wrists, feeling alone and betrayed by the world. He said nothing, choosing to press another soft kiss to the shell of Harry’s ear, stilling when Harry made another contented little noise, whispering Sirius’ name in his sleep. And Sirius smiled at him, torn between sadness and exhilaration that Harry was dreaming about him. Was he remembering all that had just occurred between them? Sirius’ allowed his thoughts to be replaced by memories of Harry’s young, supple body beneath his own. 

Sirius traced his fingers back up Harry’s arms, lightly skimming the cuts before sliding his fingers between Harry’s own and bringing their entwined hands to once more hug around Harry. 

Staring unseeingly out the mouth of the cave, Sirius could think only that they would have much to discuss come morning. But for now, he was content to rest his head beside Harry’s, breathing deep the scent of the boy, as he closed his eyes and allowed relatively untroubled sleep to claim him. 

\- - -

**Fin**.

\- - -


End file.
